"it's like tying your feet together and using your hands to get around."

holy shit another post? in feb? why

we’re still trucking along here in Febby, slowly making more work and pursuing hobbies left and right. Earlier in the month I was burning CDs for my band, Slo-Anne and I happened to burn a couple mix CDs as well. I made two mixes- one for my good friend Ray, and one for “the masses”.

The first one for Ray is mostly loud and fast, from bands that we both listened to growing up, and a few that I know he hasn’t heard yet.

The second one is a compilation of tracks from 1996-2006. Figuring out the track flow took so fucking long, I forgot how demanding a good mix can be. There’s a ton of overthinking that can work it’s way into your process. “Who played on this track?” “Is there any degrees of separation between this track and that track?”

(stupidity follows)

Track 9 features the vocalist from the band on track 10, and flows nicely into track 11. Track 12 has Damon Albarn (Gorillaz) as a collaborator. From what I remember, one of the vocalists on track 11 was featured in Gorillaz’ “Latin Simone” and as an homage to that, track 13 is a remix of “Clint Eastwood” which then smooths out to “Poor Leno”, track 14.

I straight up love this kind of shit. Its a great way to flex my musical memory, and the aftermath leaves me with a cool mix i can yap about to you all.

On Failing:

Here’s a spread that I ended up abandoning. I wrote in some notes to remember for the next approach. I used to treat my sketchbook as a sacred tome- I could not afford to fuck up any pages, they all had to be polished and cleaned up before I could move on to another page. Recently, I’ve shed that notion and have been working on a piece until my gut tells me to call it and try again. It’s a lesson that I’m trying to carry over to my normal day to day- not to be so critical of myself.

All in all, Febby has been a fucking chaotic month- work is always changing and my approach to drawing and developing has taken a more organic approach. Working smaller scale means I can bring my drawings (and my pen ) anywhere I want. I just got a really cool toolbag to store all of my shit, so I could make a new post about that when I’ve refined how the bag will be laid out.

Calling it for now, hang in there friends- everyone should make a blog now and we should ditch the crappy prison of Meta.

Albums worth checking out in the meantime:

1. The Chris Rainbow Anthology -1974-1981 -Chris Rainbow. 2010

2. Hiding in Plain Sight -Drugdealer. 2022

3. MAGICAL -Junko Ohashi. 1984

now hiring part-time zamboni drivers

back at it again after an incredibly long delay. its funny reading my last entry before i get into this one. the times i do check insta, a lot of my friends are talking about leaving the platform and perhaps reviving old blogs. I was browsing through older forgotten sites back then- looking for a difference in the flavor of “online community”.

I worked with cardboard sculptures over the interim of posts. sometimes the spark hits right and i feel like getting the glue gun out to start making shapes. the latest one i’ve yet to finish is some sort of cobbled homage to the crushed beer can. here’s an image of my approach to softening it up to crush.

strangely enough i work at an art store- sometimes i get to meet some really nice people. this woman had a very old pen that she couldn’t get to write. i was able to handle it, take it apart and get a really good look how it worked. it was an old pelikan souveran. pretty cool but crazy fucking expensive.

lastly- and half of the reason for this post- i was able to get a simple but very satisfying project done. i made a very simple zine from a segment of one of my sketchbooks. it was a one day project and it had the added benefit of going to the library to get it printed. i dont know where my stapler is, but when i find it we will start making more of these. We, meaning me. Me, meaning my motivated self.

the paper is kind of thin, but we’re out here yknow.

calling it for now, here’s hoping my move this year will be supported with more frequent creative sessions

Albums worth checking out in the meantime:

1. Ugetsu- Art Blakey & the Jazz Messengers. 1963

2. Black Classical Music- Yussef Dayes. 2023

3. Guitar On The Go- Wes Montgomery Trio. 1966

repeatedly punched in the face by words that he doesn't understand until the blunt forced blunt eases everything over

its been a hot minute since i’ve made an entry but figure i could blow the dust off. I’ve been reading long dead design blogs the past few weeks. I’ve been going on mind expanding bike trips after work. I’ve been finally watching Frasier. I’m not sure if Frasier is a result of the mind expanding, but let’s say it is.

I’ve been becoming more interested in these old, dead blogs and I feel fascinated by the legacy these have left behind. its like finding someone’s old journal long after they’ve moved out of the hold house. Maybe that’s how I’m treating these entries. It’s a tool for me to keep track of my own mental progress when i’m updating this website. Just check into the older posts to take a temperature check on today. However, I think it might just be pure nonsense for the average reader. But, maybe there is a dash of voyeuristic quality to seeings someone’s journal that strikes inspiration to create on yourself, and by doing that, it keeps the online blog slowly crawling forward.

Goodnight Seattle,
Runny eggs and Salad tosser

Albums worth checking out in the meantime:

1. Portraits- Maribou State. 2015

2. Koop Islands- Koop. 2007

3. Albala- Samba Touré. 2013

billy bullshit strikes back on his oscar meyer signature weiner mobile modded by xhibit

summer is almost on it’s way out and i haven’t made jack shit and that’s fine. music has taken the front seat once again. after years of looking, i’ve finally found a practice space that isn’t too far from my place where i can refine my chops. i’ve been playing more, reading more about dungeons and dragons, and “old-school-renaissance” tabletop rpgs. Mork Borg has entered my life, and to me its a perfect game. easy to pick up and have fun with friends.

i feel like im following a path of interests effortlessly, seeing where they go. i’m not hung up by having some made up deadlines on what to make, or to keep hustling. if i want to read more about the history of D&D art, or to research how keshi vinyl figures are made, i’m gonna spend days researching it, and if nothing physical is produced from that knowledge, who gives a shit. i sure don’t. I like going down this path, guilt free, to do what i please. i think that people shouldn’t be concerned whether or not they should follow this trail, but i can’t recommend it enough. i understand that everyone has their own agenda, but to starve yourself of indulgence like what i’ve mentioned is doing your inner self a disservice.

projects will still come and go, and im sure once the weather gets colder, i’ll hunker down and work on some project. but for now, i’m just gathering new inspiration at a leisurely pace, heading down my path.

calling it for now.

Albums worth checking out in the meantime:

1. Get Olde/ Second Wind- Crying. 2014

2. Manners- Passion Pit. 2009

3. Wilco (The Album) Wilco. 2009

alebow: a bow that shoots ales or a bar that has an archery field in back

Warmer weather is here and so is the restlessness. I don’t post much anymore to social media as I personally don’t feel the need to at the moment. I know I can control when I want to be active and when not to, so eventually I will probably spark it up again, but it’s pretty draining to do so. I feel like a lot of people are having to promote themselves using the tools they have access too, which is a bit unfair. I’d rather hire some sort of agent to handle that kind of shit rather than having to keep active and follow current trends just so someone can see my drawing of a fly man eating a sandwich.

A lot of artists I know are running into the same problem: that they have to abide by the unwritten rules of exposure and trends in order to stay on someone’s front page. Obviously the past few years I’ve stopped chasing that goal, it’s too much work for me. I just want to draw for myself, as I’ve said in the past. Instagram has changed from what I felt it was originally, but at the end of the day, it’s still a collection of sketches for me to show someone.

“I’ve hit the padded wall of reality.” A phrase I’ve been kicking around in my head. People usually mention something about a brick wall. Luckily, I’ve been hitting a padded wall in my mind. I feel like I’ve been able to adjust to change better than I have in the past. Maybe it comes with experience and age, or maybe it’s an overwhelmingly bleak outlook on a positive future.

three separate thoughts, bouncing around in the empty space in my head at the moment. thought i would write them here so i shant forget.

Albums worth checking out in the meantime:

1. Because of The Times- Kings of Leon. 2006

2. Fly School Reunion- Giant Panda. 2004

3. Pieces of the People We Love- The Rapture. 2005

shmeebo lives!: adventures in stagnation and escalator construction

im in the “fool’s springtime” thinking its going to get warmer next week, when in reality its going to be next month.

I’ve been slowly coming out of creative hibernation. the year ended on a melancholy note, with potential prospects falling through, and turning out to be empty nothings. I can’t confidently say that I was almost scammed, but i absolutely fell for the bait. I was commuting home with a binktober poster, when a lady approached me in interest in my creation. we shot the shit for a while, and she informed me her mentor was interested in helping out artist in the community. I don’t think of myself in any sort of community at the moment, but I took her up on arranging a call to chat about ideas. I was hoping to get some kind of motivation to work on some more ambitious projects, but it didn’t pan out.

Long story short, I had an ambiguous end of year. I was at a crossroad of creating art for myself, or creating art that will actually sell. I’ve always approached art in this selfish way, of making things that I want to make, and if it sells it sells. But i’m still wary to the idea of creating something for the masses that im not 100% behind. No, im not going to make spiderman fanart, or re-draw pokemon in my style. None of that stuff ever amused me. I don’t have too many original characters, save for “long dog” and “toad knife”. at this moment, writing this, I’m OK with where my art is, commercially. I know if i cater towards a larger audience i could most likely score a few more clams/bones/greenbacks, but for the time being, I want to explore my own ideas more.

i’ve been indulging myself in the past, as i usually do. I’ve dusted off the gamecube and have been crashing through Viewtiful Joe and Super Monkey Ball 2. I’ve been slowly collecting more albums. I’ve topped off my audio setup (barely “hi-fi”, but it’s got some nice bits).

to wrap this session up: make the art you want to see, make the art that is a release for yourself. If you want to dip into commerce, find something marketable and make it as much of your own as you want. Don’t measure growth with $$$$. Measure it with how much of a dialogue you can open up when your art is doing the talking.

that’s a highschool quote right there

i’ll call it for now.

Albums worth checking out in the meantime:

1. Being There- Wilco. 1996

2. Actually, You Can- Deerhoof. 2021

3. Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix- Phoenix. 2009
   

frostbitten artichoke: thaw near a volcano for 30 minutes, while butter melts in a prepped pan.

my cat had gas in his stomach, which led to diarrhea and emotional fragility. i’ve never had my own pet; my history includes multiple fish that have died after a few days in my care, and a family dog. The dog proved to be a mistake, too much to handle for us at the time. having my own pet, especially a newborn, is a wild experience.

he truly has a personality of his own, and from how i’ve been taking care of him he has the mannerisms more of a dog than a standard cat. I think it works out well, since i’ve never considered myself either a cat or a dog person. i’m more of a human person, someone who cares for themselves, and expects others to care for themselves as well. a human person.

recently, i’ve added a new addition to my music collecting. I know recently i’ve been preaching about physical media, but i soon realized i didn’t have any way of accessing my collection away from my desk. I got myself a digital media player, containing every album i’ve collected so far. 247 albums as of today. That’s a decent amount, not counting any of my cassettes. (looking over my shoulder now, i’ll add 48 to that total) the process for logging and organizing all of my albums was a fun chore, but a chore nonetheless. now, i’m caught up and know all the processes leading up to proper organization to move forward with new additions.

binktober has been taking such a long time to finish. i though by starting early, i’d be ahead of the game and finish early, but underestimated the amount of drawing i had to do to finish my poster. i’ll have to edit my page to reflect my shortcomings. I feel like some spaces are at an agreeable level of completion, whereas in others, the subject matter seems too thin. part of me needs to cut the losses and trudge through, but the other part is a lazy perfectionist who wants more junk piled inside.

other than that, not much has been taking up space in my head as of late. feeling hazy, like 2 days are just 1. once i finish binktober, i’ll find a new project to break the monotony. maybe i’ll pick up a brush and paint again. something to even further distance myself from the computer.

i’ll call it for now.

Albums worth checking out in the meantime:

1. Desperate Youth, Blood Thirsty Babes- TV on the Radio. 2003

2. Cobra and Phases Group Play Voltage in the Milky Night- Stereolab. 1998

3. Have You Seen My Prefrontal Cortex?- A Great Big Pile Of Leaves. 2009

cold leaves kiss the curb; while a honey ham slides off the tray onto the grass

ending my month of october, i’ve left with a strong sense of direction. My CD collection is growing far too fast- I do not have a proper way of storing any of this shit. I’ve been doing well, thanks for asking. I’ve taken the fall weather in stride. Normally im not a fan of the rain and wind, but this time around its pretty dope to look at all this from my apartment window.

its the nicest place ive lived in by far, and it also ranks as the most “complete” place ive lived in. Im coming up on year 10 in boston, and I’ve had a good share of living situations.

• i wonder of the people that have moved in after me; do they go through the same sense of bewilderment upon seeing a new nest for themselves? is it the nicest place that they’ve lived in yet? is it a downgrade? are my standards vastly different than what they see?

my first place was amazing, no matter it’s shortcomings. I was out on my own, still in school. I had fantastic roomates who were all fun to hang around with, for the most part. The room i lived in was about the size of a walk in closet. I could barely fit my twin mattress in. That, combined with my dad’s old dresser and a desk i pulled from the trash at my old job, I had enough room to pull my chair out and sit down to work.

little did i know at the time, the work i made in that rinky-dink apartment would become the seeds for what im currently creating now. wordplay, depression, dementia, scattered thoughts… all of these themes would be just starting to gain traction in my sketchbooks and assignments.

the next place i lived in was where i pushed my musical hobbies to the limit. I managed to persuade my roomates to let me move my drumset into the upstairs living area, and create a practice space for me and my sister. once a week, we practiced for hours with no complaints from anyone. The neighbors sold pills, and wanted no attention. we all still had a great network of friends just floating around after college, and it turned into the party house. We threw shows of all sorts there. It always felt like i was walking into a dream when i’d pass by people and conversations, vignettes of drama, all being suffocated under a heavy blanket of thumping bass and muffled lyrics. It was at that apartment where my sister and i recorded our EP, and I have strong feelings of pride and satisfaction to this day when i put those tracks on.

the next place i lived in felt like a fever dream. it was in bad shape, but it was the first place christina and i were living in together. my roomate and his girlfriend broke up just one month into the lease, and it created such a terrible environment. i was probably the most concerned at that point in our relationship. Shes from way out west, and moving across the country to a shithole with some crazy woman abusing my friend, didnt lead to the best place to get your bearings. we had such high hopes for that place, me and my friend, but it fell through.

after that, i lived in a very small 1 bedroom apartment with christina. we had a blast making it ours, covering almost every square inch with artwork and framed pieces. it had a very cozy atmostphere, especially during the winter months. the only problem was that our couch was too small, and we really didnt have any room to expand any of our hobbies.

where im at now is a goregous pre-war apartment building with this dope-ass elevator. the building is incredibly solid, and I feel like i can stay here for a while- something that i usually don’t do.

i’ll call it for now.

Albums worth checking out in the meantime:

1. Sleep Well Beast- The National. 2017

2. Hard Normal Daddy- Squarepusher. 1997

3. Return to Cookie Mountain- TV On The Radio. 2006

an introduction into/onto nothing

this probably wont last long

it’s a compilation of notes and ideas i’ve had stored in journals, written as texts to myself while out around town, thinking. s

as of recently, i’ve started to collect cds and cassettes again. I used to in high school- out of necessity, but now out of some form of yearning for a physical collection. i’ve grown exhausted from subscriptions, data, cloud streaming, social media. i rarely involve myself in my instagram, let alone this website.

• i remember when blogs were linked to artist accounts, journal entries could be viewed, updated and interacted with. it seemed sort of… intimate. maybe im longing for something more personal than the rigid structure of facebook, twitter, instagram.

i’ve been looking to be even more disconnected from my phone more and more. i mainly use it to connect with my friends back home, to call my parents, and to know when my next shift is. there was a great moment of relief when i got rid of facebook a few years ago. it sounds overly dramatic, but i felt like it was becoming to much of a sensory overload. having physical items, media at my desk gives me a strong sense of grounding to where im at in life. plus, as of writing, a lot of these cds are fuckin cheap, and the whole stack is crazy to look at.

i love going through the inserts when the album is spinning, and fawning over the design of each album. some artistic choices truly complete the message the music is trying to convey. recently, i’ve noticed that bands like spoon, arcade fire, wilco and the matt and kim album “Grand ” do a damn good job of expressing these visual themes. the feeling is a callback to when old LPs were spinning, and the only shit you had to work with was the sleeve it came with to put you in the zone.

i recently repaired an old cassette/ radio player from the late 80s. the sound quality is less than perfect, but has a warm crackle to it that adds a fun layer to the sound experience. the radio signal is decent too, but there’s not much to listen to on the radio other than a few college stations in my area.

• i toyed with the idea of creating some form of radio show, where i only do longplays of albums, and have a brief intermission where i’d chat or reflect on the album with a guest. we would share experiences or stories related to or inspired by the album, then jump back into it. turns out that would be hard to do legally, so i gave up rather quickly. it would have been legendary, probably one of the best radio stations ever made ever.

i’ll call it for now.

Albums worth checking out in the meantime:

1. Disc ‘O’ Lypso Various Artists. Trans Air Recordings, 2003

2. Earthology The Whitefield Brothers. Now-Again Records. 2010

3. The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill Lauren Hill. Ruffhouse Records. 1998